Sharing is Caring~

Here are some jokes to cheer you up... *Hopefully* ^^"

1. Unusual Funeral Procession
   
   A man was leaving his house after having a quarrel with his wife and his mother-in-law, when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one (second coffin) about 50 feet behind the first.
   Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
   
   The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. "Whose funeral is it?"
   
   The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
   "What happened to her?"
   The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
   He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
   The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her too."
   
   A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
   Then the first one asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"
   
   The man replied, "Please join the queue..."
   
   
2. Smart Betting
   
   An old lady walked into a popular bank in town with a big bag of money. She told the bank employee that she wanted to open an account, and due to the huge amount, she requested to deal with the bank president personally.
   
   As not to affect the bank customer relationship, the president invited the old lady to his office. The president, amazed by the huge pile of money with the lady, and curiously asked her how did she manage to save them.
   
   The old lady replied, "By betting, just a simple bet, you want to try?"
   Totally amused, the president replied, "Why not?"
   Lady said to him, "I bet for $10,000 that your balls are square. If you agree to this bet, I will bring my lawyer here tomorrow at 10am to witness my winning, deal?"
   President laughing, "OK, it's a deal."
   
   Next day at 10am sharp, the old lady arrived at bank president office with her lawyer.
   Old lady told the president, "Can you pull down and we shall see?"
   President smiling, and did as per told, telling the lady, "See? They are not square".
   Old lady asked again, "Can I touch them to ensure they are really not square?"
   
   President granted her request, but noticed the lawyer is banging his head against the wall after that.
   President asked the lady, "What is he doing?"
   
   
   The old lady replied, "Oh, just to let you know that I may have lost the bet of $10,000 to you here, but I have already bet with him for $100,000 that this bank's president will let me hold his balls without hesitation at 10am today."
   
   
3. Smart Answer
   
   A man bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
   
   "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him.
   "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
   
   The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
   "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like writing more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
   
   The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. And I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
   
   "*Grinned* Have a nice weekend then," said the officer.