I'm still waiting~

Called DHL just now and asked them to help me deliver a mail to Australia. XD

By right before 5pm they must reach here... I'm still waiting~

Anyway, some1 asked me to post something... lolz...

So here you are...

1. Zoo
   
   A guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.
   
   As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.
   
   During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"
   
   The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses,
   "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
   
   

2. Regret
   
   About 3:30 in the morning, a wife wakes up to find she is alone in the bed and she can hear her husband crying uncontrollably. She gets up and starts to look for him. He's not in the bathroom, living room, or in the kitchen. As she passes the laundry room, she hears his faint sniffles coming from the basement. She turns on the light and goes downstairs to find him. Finally, she finds him huddled in the corner, rolled up into a ball, and crying hysterically.
   
   She runs over to him and asks why he is crying. He says, "Do you remember when we got married twenty (20) years ago?" She looks at him and says, "yes". He says, "well, a couple of months before, your dad said that I could marry you or go to jail." She says, "I already know that. I don't see what the problem is."
   
   He says, "don't you see!!! I would have gotten out today!"
   
   

3. Locked Up
   
   A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open your shop in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.
   
   The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. “Listen!", the owner shouted, “there’s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn’t let a person in your condition in—"
   
   “I don’t want to get in,” the caller interjected. “I want to get out.”
   
   
   
4. Special Wish
   
   

   A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

   The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

   A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

   The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
   This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
   "The usual?" asks the waitress.
   "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
   A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

   The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.
   How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
   "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
   "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
   "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
   The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
   

   The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say..."
   
   
   

   That's all peepz...